The Loss Column

You gain some and you lose some when you've got cancer. You gain time, since you're laying around. It's a terrific opportunity to catch up on reading or those movies or a series like The Wire that you'd always meant to watch. The days can crawl by. You certainly gain knowledge and perspective.
But you can lose plenty too. For some it's weight and for others it's friends. It's often both.

You can't predict how someone will react when they hear you have cancer. A lot of people will feel sorry for you and offer help. Others will be faced with their own mortality and promptly freak out. You won't hear from them for a while, if at all. They'll avoid contact with you because it makes them feel uncomfortable. They'll wait until you're better to reconnect. At least that's what they're telling themselves.

Others won't really care at all. It's shocking and it stings, but it's true. The reasons for that differ from person to person, but the blame can be laid squarely at their feet. Maybe they're self-absorbed. Maybe they didn't like you that much in the first place. Maybe it's something else entirely. Regardless, it's not your fault.

You find out who your true friends are real quick.

The good news is that you'll be truly surprised by who comes through. Casual acquaintances, co-workers or neighbors you barely knew, friends of friends you've never met -- they will continually surprise and humble you with their love, support and encouragement. All of which will come from a very positive place.

Those are the people to dwell on. Those are the people you need to send the thank you cards and emails to. They're the ones that can help you get better.

As for the other half, "The ones who love us least are the ones we'll die to please," Paul Westerberg once sang and it's true. Focus on the people who are supporting you and forget those who aren't. Energy is a precious commodity when you're undergoing treatment, and it's best to focus that in a postive way.

As for the others? Fuck 'em. Write them off without any guilt.