The drive home was a whirlwind. There were so many things to digest, to discuss and decide. None of them good. I was really scared. So was my wife though she didn't show it.
Music had been a huge help for me through all of this. My car didn't have a CD player so I relied on my iPod for music for the most part. I went to a handful of sites to find out about new music and see what some of my favorite artists were up to. One blog I stumbled upon was http://www.fuelfriendsblog.com/, written by a woman in Colorado who frequently wrote about upcoming shows in her area and posted links to songs. One link was to a song called "Blow Me Back to You" by Bob Schneider. I knew nothing of Bob Schneider other than that he had dated Sandra Bullock at some point, but based on Heather's description, I downloaded the song.
For some reason it cut me to the bone, especially the second verse. I guess it's the proverbial space between the notes that do it. But the song was the closest I've ever been able to come to express to my wife how I felt at this point. I'd been putting up a front of confidence up to that point. I'd been confident and optimistic.
It's hard sometimes, especially for a guy, to put up thie fearless facade to everybody when you're scared shitless and utterly helpless to do anything to improve the situation you're in.
We sat and listened to the song in our car and cried. We were both really upset about the way things had gone at the Wicked Witch's office high in the tower. What to do, what to do.
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