The Wind at Your Back

It's a cliche, but you really can't fight cancer by yourself. It truly does take a team. Not only of doctors, nurses and support staff, but friends and family. Their love and support can truly make a difference in ways you can't expect or even imagine.

But the most important person on your team, and one not everyone's lucky enough to have, is someone that's your advocate. Someone who will fight for you when the doctors are going down the wrong path. Someone to tell well-wishers that you've had enough for the day and need to rest. Someone who insists you need to rest. Someone to complain to. Someone to cry with. Someone who will make that midnight run for popsicles.  Someone that will sit with you as you writhe in bed with a roaring fever from the fucking chemo.

In my case, that person was my wife.

More cliches: marriage is a journey. Marriage is a union. Blah blah blah. Yeah, it's those things, but it's easy to be happy and content and in love when things are going good. That's the easy part. That's coasting. The real test is when the shit not only hits the proverbial fan but keeps hitting it. That's when you find out what both you and your partner are made of.

I was extremely lucky. I married someone who's smart, strong, caring, empathetic and has a strong bullshit detector. Over the course of my treatment, all those attributes came into play. There were peaks and valleys. People I didn't expect anything from came through in ways that were unbelievable. Others I thought I could count on failed spectacularly. My wife was there for every small victory as well as every little defeat.

Not everyone has that. Keep that in mind the next time you hear about someone who's sick. A serious illness in not only a downer, it's a fucking grind for all involved. It gets old. It loses its novelty. The phone calls and cards slow to a trickle after a few weeks, but the illness is still there. Often worse than before. Having an advocate; a partner who stands by you is worth their weight in gold. They deserve just as much recognition for all the bravery you're saluted for as you do. Maybe more. 

And so do your team of supporters. Their goodwill, positivity and smiles -- often the simplest things -- make a bad day bearable and a good day outstanding.

But that's a topic for another post.